Unceremoniously Dumped.

I thought I was going to make it through my first winter in a long time without seeing the fall of snow. But here it is, in all it's glory, quite possibly, my only snowfall for this season.


That crown looking thing is the entry dome to the Caesar's casino in Windsor. Across the river is Detroit, holla!

The snow was probably the one good thing that came out of my weekend with Blue Man Group. It was there in Windsor, the day before this snowfall, I learned that I was replaced as the lighting designer for the Megastar tour. I was unceremoniously dumped from the program without reason. And the part that sucks the most, no one had the balls to tell me I was being replaced.

Sure, there had been rumours swirling about for some time, but I was assured by some of the powers that be that it wasn't going to happen. There was no money to pay for a new design. There's nothing with the old design, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But someone had a bee in their bonnet that they had to have the old designer back. So that's what happened. I was replaced by the guy I had replaced.

That's what sticks in my craw the most. I was brought in, not to really re-design the show, but to streamline it. Make it cheaper. So that's what I did. Of course, I had to add my own artistic touch, but it wasn't without approval by the "artists". And the design toured well, for two and a half years. But now they want to step backwards.

I don't get it. There's lots of other interesting ins and outs to this, but I'm stopping now. It's not worth it to sit here and bitch about it. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of this industry of "no loyalty".

I've been taking this one pretty hard, but this wasn't the first tour I've been dumped from. There have been a few.

I've been fired from two tours, Ministry and Bad Religion. Ministry was a simple one to leave. They had sent me out to replace a guy who faked a heart attack. And then two weeks later, they just sent everyone home in an effort to fix the tension. Bad Religion... Well that one I think I got myself thrown off of by simply asking for my own hotel room on days off. I thought that's a standard thing, but it's not. The one thing that experience taught me was to have everything written down and agree to before setting foot on a plane to fly to the start.

There's also been a number of tours where I've not been invited for a return engagement. A Perfect Circle is one of them. It's funny that as I write this, I'm sitting next to the guy who replaced me. I was really mad at them for a while when I found out I wasn't coming back. I thought the lighting design looked great, but when the second album came out... no phone call, no return design. As I understand it, the guy who replaced me (and is sitting on my left) was a much better brown noser than I.

During the "Verizon Ladies First Tour", I was hired to do Missy Elliot's design, and ended up two weeks after the tour started, doing both Missy and Alicia Keys design. At the end of the tour, I stayed with Alicia Keys (she offered more money and a longer tour). After almost 9 months of touring with her around the world, I was not called back to do the next leg. Again, no one told me I wasn't coming back, they just went out and got someone else. Granted, they got a new production manager and in an effort to "save money", they hired an "axe man" to cut back. I was mad for a long time about this one because, again, I'm not given a chance to prove I can do a cheaper design, save them money, be a team player.

These things I blame mostly on the fact that I'm not a "brown noser". I think I'm a good person, and my designs are good. I believe myself to be a team player and if you ask me specifically what it is you want, I can deliver. And even if you have no idea, I can help you out. I think I lost A Perfect Circle because I wasn't sucking up to the band, and Alicia Keys because I wasn't sucking up to the "axe man".

But I think the one that hurt the most, was not doing the latest tour for Tori Amos. In 1998, I was sent out secretly to replace the LD. He was in on it. He didn't want to tell Tori or her management he was leaving, so I came out to learn the show and then he would just disappear. Tori and company didn't like that and since then, I had been part of the Tori camp... Until last year.

I was on track last summer to design Tori once again. I had it all figured out. I had a really good (and cheap) conceptual design to match her latest album. I had a competent (and cheap) lighting director lined up to finish the tour for me, while I went back to Blue Man Group, who was going to be touring in the fall, at the same time as Tori.

Tori's management I guess didn't see it that way. They wanted someone who was going to stay for the whole tour. At least, they had the production manager call me up to tell me they were going in a different direction. Of course, this was after I had already cleared my summer to be with them.

What bothers me the most about the whole Tori thing was what I perceived to be a lack of loyalty. But I guess they could say the same thing about me. My opinion, I covered all my bases to make sure they had a quality design and a quality lighting director to replace me. But I guess that's not what they wanted.

Nicole always says, "It's not you." But it's hard not to feel that it is sometimes. Somethings I can understand, but not being given another chance, or not being told I've been dumped, that to me is inexcusable.

Well, another design will come along, there's always work out there....

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