The nice thing about working these "rock shows" for TV is that I get to see old friends from the road. I was backstage talking with the gaffer when I saw the stage manager from the Black Eyed Peas, then later I saw a sound guy I had toured with back in 1997 on Santana. It was good to catch up with them, to see that we've all moved on from our humble beginnings to higher paying positions.
I think the most interesting part of the day was running into an old friend from Amsterdam. Here's a little back story of our friendship.
Back in 2000 when I was touring with A Perfect Circle, we made a stop at a little club in Amsterdam. There I met Anna, she was just a stagehand, pushing cases, running cable, and constantly being verbally abused by her male counterparts, but working twice as hard as anyone else. When the day slowed down, she came up to me at the lighting console while I was programming, and we started talking. She was interested in touring (mostly interested in sound) but didn't know how to go about becoming a "roadie". I gave her what little advice I had, we exchanged phone numbers and emails and promised to stay in touch.
And we did. I would get an email or phone call from her at least once a month if not twice, telling me what she was up to, that she was still working at the club, had moved to a new apartment, started taking sound design classes at the local college... Then one day the phone calls changed tone. They started to be about boys she was dating, about the trouble she was having with friends or getting kicked out of her apartment. It felt to me that we were becoming more than just work buddies, we were become friends.
I saw her in person a few years later, when I was on tour with Usher, we hung out for a few days and had a great time. Since working at the club, she's met a lot of people and made a few contacts. Later that year, she was offered a job touring with a band (I don't remember who), and she called me to ask my opinion. The offer sounded fishy to me. If she wanted to tour, she had to buy her own plane tickets and had to share a room with another crew member. She wasn't being offered a lot of money, and no per diem. I told her not to take the gig. If anything, for the fact that if she worked for those terms, she would always be expected to work for those terms.
She took the job anyway.
When she came to the U.S. she had no money and no U.S. cell phone, she got lost in Washington D.C. trying to find the gig and ended up in a dangerous neighborhood. She ended up calling me on her European cell phone, panicked and worried. I calmed her down and eventually helped her find the gig. The next day I mailed her my a cell phone that I had gotten for my dad and said she can use it, but don't go crazy, it's just for emergency use only.
A month later, I got the first phone bill, $600. I immediately called her and told her. She had taken the job as t-shirt girl and had to advance all the performances on her own. Another bad part of her deal. Normally, she should be able to go into the production office and just use that phone to advance.
She agreed to pay the bill when I saw her a few weeks later in Los Angeles. She had a couple days off so we would hang out.
When I saw her in Los Angeles, she gave me a big hug and was very happy to see me. She gave me the $600 with an apology for using the phone so much. We went to Melrose Avenue where she spent the rest of the money she had made on clothes, the tour was paying her under the table and in cash (another fishy thing). A few weeks later she mailed back my phone before she flew back to Amsterdam.
Then another bill for $600 came in. I tried to get a hold of her via her phone number, but it had been disconnected, I sent her a few emails to tell her about the bill, but never got a reply. Finally, I got a call from her telling me she was moving to Detroit to be with her boyfriend (Who, oddly enough shared hotel rooms with her on the tour) and that she had no money to pay me. She was a little defensive, falling just short of making it my fault for giving her the phone in the first place. So I dropped it.
That's about when I stopped hearing from her. Nicole ran into her a few years later when she was on tour. Nicole was the assistant tour manager for one band and Anna was the assistant for another. They crossed paths a couple of times, but that was about it.
Over the years, I stopped caring about the bill and the money. It's no longer a big deal to me. I've sent emails to Anna just to check in, see what she was up to, try to reconnect, but I never heard back.
Flash forward about 5 years to this past Monday. I'm sitting at my console, and Anna walks by in front of me. I called out to her, she turned to me and said, "Hey." and came over and gave me a hug. I told her how glad I was to see her, what had she been up to? She's been touring she said, "You know how it is." She was on her way some where, running an errand for the band, but she'd be back in a bit to catch up.
After she left, something did not feel right. It may have just been me, but after all the water that is under the bridge between us, it felt like she was very cold to me. Almost as if she couldn't remember my name, but she recognized the face.
She never did come back to see me. At the end of the show, I went up to my stage manager friend and asked him if he knew where Anna was. He called her cell phone but she didn't answer, so he told me to check the production office. I found her there and told her goodbye and asked her how we could keep in touch. She replied, "Oh, I'll be around, I'm sure I'll see you." I agreed and hugged her goodbye. But in the back of my head, I sort of knew, this was the last time I'd see or speak to her.
I don't know if heartbroken is the right word, but I do feel like a just lost a friend. It's sad really to think of all the time we had known each other (granted most of it over the phone or via email), and it feels as if she dismissed me out of hand. Am I wrong for having expected a warm reception? Who knows. Something just doesn't feel right.
Have a good life Anna. Maybe I will see you down the road, hopefully, you'll remember my name.
...
3 comments:
maybe she got dumped the night before!!
It's guilt. She feels bad she didn't pay you back, but instead of apologizing she's giving you the cold shoulder.
That's my opinion.
I think I remember Anna, too. We all went out together a couple of times, and I later saw her on another tour as the merch gal.
She always seemed pretty aloof. Part of what was her attraction is her love for life and ability to live in the moment.
Unfortunately, these people also tend to come and go, lacking the deep roots that a meaningful friendship sometimes needs.
I'm sure she still values your kindness.
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