Another stellar border crossing.

I've got no pictures for todays blog. And here's why.

Last night we crossed the border from North Dakota into Canada. I remember back in the good old days, getting into Canada was no problem. Often, the bus driver would go in with all the passports and passenger list show it to customs and off we'd go. Sometimes they'd wake you up and have you sit in the front lounge so they could match passports to faces.

Times have changed. Now we all have to get up, go inside the customs building with our passports and answer basic questions, "When was the last time you were in Canada?" " How long will you be here?" "What do you do with the tour?" "Nice pants, are they Dockers?"

Now everyone who has any kind of record, gets flagged and pulled aside. Every country hates a criminal, but Canada also doesn't like drunk drivers and frauds. And on this border crossing, three of our crew members were flagged. The only one I knew about for sure, was our carpenter/rigger. Over the summer he got in a motorcycle accident. If I remember the story correctly, he was taking an on ramp curve a little to quickly and hit some loose gravel and the bike shot out from under him. He was okay, a little concussed, but the police gave him a ticket for reckless driving. Which in Canada, becomes equivalent to a DUI. The other two, who knows. Probably a ticket for jay walking.

While I was standing at the desk, waiting to answer the questions the nice man in the bullet proof vest was about to ask, the other two nice men in bullet proof vests were conversing about what to do with the flagged criminals. I didn't catch the entire conversation (for some reason, they were whispering) but the gist of it was, there is no "adult" on duty at 3AM on a Thursday, so the criminals and one bus would have to sit at the border until the morning and an "adult" shows up to make a decision.

Guess which bus had to stay back... Production Bus #1, my bus. "Bottom line," our PM started, "Everyone on Production Bus #1 grab your stuff and move to another bus. Our bus is going to stay at the border until this is cleared up and the rest of us will go to the hotel."

Sucks to be a law abiding citizen. Now I have to take what I can fit into someone else's bus luggage bay, and then sit upright in the front lounge for 2 hours while we drive to Winnipeg. So what can't I fit into the luggage bay of someone else's bus? My bike. So much for my day off plans in Winnipeg.

I also didn't grab my camera. In an attempt to get out of our bus and get rolling I grabbed just my shower bag, and computer. And a jacket, who would have thought it would be cold in Canada?

I guess you can tell, I'm a little bitter. I don't want to place blame on anyone, I don't know the story for the other two flagged crew members. I shouldn't be point fingers at Canada's immigration policies. But dammit, I wanted to ride today. Now I have no idea when our bus will get here. Much less my bike. Guess I'll go shopping today.

Border crossings are a part of touring life. And at the same time, the touring life can be an attraction to the less savory characters of society. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc. etc... So I guess these "stellar" border crossings will continue to happen.

...

The saying, "Another stellar border crossing" was coined by the production manager I was out with on Alicia Keys. We were doing a European tour back then and there are lots of borders around there. And for some reason, we always showed up at the customs desks, drunk.

The crown jewel of border crossings that tour happened when we were going from Belgium to England via the channel ferry. The PM (who will remain nameless, but he knows who he is), had just joined the tour after the first PM quit. It was only his second show with us, but he soon learned this crew likes to tip back the drinking glasses. So all the way from Belgium to the ferry in France, it was beer and wine all around.

For those who have never been on the ferry boats in Europe, you drive your car or bus onto one of the lower parking decks, and then are required to go upstairs to the lounges to have a seat. But it's not like a plane where there's rows of seats with overhead storage. Nope, it's like a little floating shopping mall. There's a couple of stores, and restaurants, and most even have bars. Some even have movie theaters and dance clubs. There's lots of comfortable seating, and some even have cabins you can rent if the journey is long.

The trip from France to England is, I think, around two to three hours. Seeing as we were all already tipsy, we all just went to the bar and continued what we had started. By the time were arrived in Dover, half the crew couldn't see straight, people were helping others down the stairs to the bus while others (like myself), just couldn't stop laughing.

After the bus left the ferry, we pulled over to the customs house to stand in line. Our bus was first and I was near the door so I was one of the first ones off and first ones through. I stood on the other side watching the carnage. It was embarrassing, but so damn funny! Our PM was standing there answering questions ("Nice pants, are they Dockers?") when the customs official asked if she could have Alicia Key's autograph. So the PM turned to Alicia, who was in line and called out in a slurred voice, "Hey Alicia, come over here and sign something for this nice lady would ya?" People were carrying each other up to the customs desks. And for some reason, one of the backline guys just fell over like a sack of wheat while standing in line. He didn't answer any questions. But for some reason, they still let us all into the country.

Another stellar border crossing.