We didn't land at the Smog Cutter, the Smog Cutter landed on us.

Last weekend, both of Nicole's siblings were in town. Her brother and his friend (Beeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahn) were looking for a place to hang out and have a drink. I could think of no better place in L.A. than my old hang out, The Smog Cutter.

Long ago, before I met Nicole, I was just another young lad in the L.A. hipster scene. I had moved to Hollywood after a few years in the valley and less than a year in Santa Monica. When I wasn't on tour, I would be bar hopping every weekend with the boys when, one weekend, the Smog Cutter landed on us.

I couldn't tell you about the first time I ever set foot in that dive bar. It's been a while since that fateful day. But I can tell you why it was a step below, and at the same time a step above, the other bars I've been to. Of all the bars in L.A. I've been to (and in my younger days, I've been to many), the Smog Cutter is the most fun, least pretentious bar I have ever set foot in.

Unlike many of the trendy bars in L.A., where it's all about seeing people and being seen, the Smog Cutter is all about a good time with friends. If you want a drink and conversation, this is the place to go. Everyone is friendly and everyone knows your name. Well in my case, my name is Tom. For some reason many years ago, the bartenders started calling me Tom. And like Norm from the old sitcom "Cheers", when ever I walked in everyone who knew me would yell, "Tom!" Who could not like a place that yelled your name and had your gin and tonic ready when you walked in?

And unlike the really trendy bars, where the furniture is new, the drinks are served in fancy glasses, the Smog Cutter is a real dump. I started going there back in the mid 90's (1997?) and the only improvement they've ever made was removing the two booths along the wall that took up space for karaoke. Not to mention that fact that if you sat in them you'd fall through the seat and a rescue team of St. Bernard's would come to your rescue. Or at least the rescue of you liver.

There's no fancy glasses, no pour spouts on the bottles. There's just drinking glasses, large bottles of basic alcohol bought at Costco, and ice. The fanciest beer there, Heineken.

Don't bring a credit card, it's cash only, but do bring your singing voice, or at least your drunken singing voice, because it's always Karaoke night. The stools are all mismatched and the cushion has gone.

If you were to go to any bar on the Sunset strip, a good portion of the patrons are there to look good for each other, and the see if there's someone more important they should be talking to. As my brother would call it, "It's a lance party", because most of the guys there are just looking to a woman to take home.

At the Smog Cutter, you rub elbows with Mexican cowboys. No one is there to impress. There are so many regulars that come, you can always tell the new people. And the ones who belong on the Sunset Strip don't stay long at the Cutter.

I'm not a singer, but I've been known to belt out a song or two on karaoke night. And it's a blast.
There's no record execs to impress, and no one cares if you can't sing. If it's a song everyone knows, everyone is singing. Just don't sing anything from the musical "Grease", that will usually silence the crowd. The song choices haven't change since I first walked in the door, so don't expect to find the latest Britney Spears hit. But there's more than enough Frank Sinatra and Neil Diamond to go around.

Come for the karaoke, come for the people, but come mostly for the bartenders. The rumour is that the owner is a former Thai prostitute. And the entire staff is asian women. Mama Nita would be that "Thai prostitute" of legend. On weekends you can find her sitting at the lead corner of the bar, greeting every patron who walks in and coaxing most of them to buy her a shot or two. There's Jan, who basically runs the joint. She's the youngest "looking" of the lot, but the most savvy when it comes to getting your wallet pried open. Lee is the other fixture, she doesn't say much but pours you a good stiff drink either way.

But the reason I come back is Sunshine. She's the most animated, fun older Asian lady in the place. She's from China and speaks with a heavy accent. I don't understand her half the time, but it doesn't matter, she's just being abusive (but in a loving fun way). The only thing she says that I understand is, "Tom, you buy me drink". And open goes the wallet.

Some people think that the place is a total rip off because for every one drink you have, you really buy two (one for the bartender). But if you stay long enough it all works out, because by 1AM even Sunshine and Mama Nita are hammered, so they start buying you drinks. And besides, isn't it like paying for a show?

That's what you get at the Cutter. Nothing fancy, no leather chairs, a pool table with one short leg, and the nicest people in L.A.. And "Tom!" when ever I walk in the door.

"We didn't land at the Smog Cutter, the Smog Cutter landed on us." Probably the best quote I found on the internet to describe the Cutter.

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The place is so much fun, Chuck Norris made a movie and named after the joint!


Just kidding, but I do find it funny, Chuck Norris and "The Cutter".

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